Your Struggles Don’t Define You

Mental Health Awareness Part 3

Covid.

An epidemic the world will never forget.

But honestly? Jesus really looked out for your girl.

When Covid hit, I was already on a leave of absence from work because my son had fractured his tibia. Looking back now, I truly believe God was protecting me because your girl is a hyper germophobe and would not have handled that season well at all.

One of my old coworkers later joked with me:
“Neccole, I thought about you the entire pandemic. I was praying you hadn’t had a nervous breakdown.”

That’s how real my germophobe tendencies were.

Everyone knew it.

Stay-at-home orders.
Isolation.
Masks.
Gloves.
Lysol wipes.
Empty shelves.
People panic-buying toilet paper.

While many people transitioned to working from home, my employer remained fully operational and expected everyone to continue coming in.

It was a strange time.

And slowly… something in me started changing.

At first, I blamed it on isolation. But the truth is, I’m naturally introverted. I enjoy quiet. I enjoy being alone.

But this felt different.

Then came the rage.

That’s the only word I can use for it.

I would become intensely angry over things that normally would not have affected me that deeply. My reactions felt bigger than the actual situations.

I knew something wasn’t right.

I started taking ashwagandha and vitamin B12 because I heard they could help with mood and stress.

They didn’t help.

The feelings intensified.

So I scheduled a doctor’s appointment.

By then we had moved from California’s South Bay Area to the Inland Empire, which meant I needed a new primary care physician.

And because I research everything… I Yelp’d her first. 😂

Google reviews too.

There were a few complaints about scheduling, but no one mentioned poor bedside manner, so I decided to give her a try.

After listening to my symptoms, she said:
“It sounds like PMDD.”

PMDD?

She explained it stood for Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder.

Symptoms included irritability, anxiety, mood swings… and there was that word again:

Depression.

I remember thinking:
“Jesus… what is wrong with me?”

She prescribed medication.

I didn’t want to take it, but I wanted relief. I wanted peace. I wanted to stop feeling angry all the time.

So reluctantly, I tried it.

And honestly?

I felt worse.

Much worse.

I did not receive the support I needed from that physician, so I decided to pursue therapy again.

The first therapist told me I was simply in a bad mood.

The second told me it was all in my head.

The third immediately wanted to place me on multiple medications with side effects I personally was not comfortable with.

And then finally…

I found someone who understood.

A therapist who helped explain what was happening mentally and physically.

Someone who helped me understand that hormones, stress, fear, exhaustion, and mental health are deeply connected.

I also met a woman who shared practical techniques and supplements that helped when I felt the anger rising.

And little by little… things began improving.

But through it all, Jesus remained the greatest source of strength in my healing journey.

His Word reminded me that I was not alone. (Deuteronomy 31:6)

His Word reminded me that I was more than a conqueror. (Romans 8:37)

His Word reminded me that I could do all things through Christ because my strength ultimately comes from Him. (Philippians 4:13)

And maybe that’s what I want people to understand most:

Struggling mentally does not make you weak.

It makes you human.

Before walking through these experiences myself, I honestly did not take mental health seriously enough. I repeated the same careless phrases I had heard growing up.

“They’re just crazy.”

Now I know better.

Sometimes God allows us to walk through things to deepen our compassion for other people.

So we can love them better.

If you are struggling right now, hear me clearly:

You are not crazy.
You are not broken.
And you are not alone.

God has given us resources, support systems, counselors, doctors, pastors, community, and healthy coping tools to help us navigate difficult seasons.

And yes, it may take time to find the right therapist.

You may have to try more than once.

But keep going.

Healing is worth pursuing.

I also cannot emphasize enough how important healthy community is.

Find a local church.
Join a small group.
Get around people who genuinely love Jesus and love people.

Healing often grows best in safe community.

And finally, this is what I know now:

My struggles do not define me.

I am a child of the King. (Galatians 4:7, Romans 8:16-17)

Yes, I may experience moments of sadness, anxiety, fear, or emotional exhaustion.

But those things do not own me.

Jesus paid too high a price for me to believe my struggles are my identity. (1 Corinthians 6:20)

Depression has been a strong adversary in my life at times, creating thoughts and feelings I never imagined I would battle.

It has tried to rob me of relationships, opportunities, peace, and joy.

And if I’m honest… sometimes it succeeded.

That is why I have to wake up every single day and remind myself whose child I am.

I remind myself that I am loved.
Valued.
Gifted.
Chosen for such a time as this.

Some people say I share too much.

But I believe Jesus uses my story as a testimony.

Because if He can carry me through my struggles, He can carry you through yours too.

“Now unto Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think…”
— Ephesians 3:20

Depression may exist.

But do not allow it to determine how you navigate your life.

Our struggles may exist, but they do not get to control us or have the final say.

If you are fighting silently today, I pray you remember this:

You are deeply loved.
You are worth helping.
And your story is not over.

If you need prayer, encouragement, or assistance finding support, feel free to reach out at bethesaltbethelight5@gmail.com.

Share this with someone who needs to know their struggles do not define them.